Takalogical

once a malaysian, always a malaysian?

2012-01-08T23:46:00.000Z

this popped out of nowhere in a random conversation, that i actually felt annoyed that others are rather misinformed about the country and explicitly disdain the country for no apparent reason. i did a bit of soul searching why i had felt the need to defend my home country, which i so often have cause to complain about and it all comes down to this:

1. the government is shit. the politics is shit.

2. some people are pathetic, still holding on to that ketuanan shit which makes them clearly inferior. i have a superiority complex(fact), but that is because these scum keep telling me they deserve all those handicap in life. For what reason; racial discrimination, or racial inferiority? i rather believe that i am racially superior than being racially discriminated.

otherwise, malaysia is a lovely country. great food, lovely beaches, nice mountains, diverse and rich in culture, friendly people, and still a growing and strong economy.

so, fix politics?

a converse world.

2012-01-08T16:34:00.001Z

my new kit :)

i'm being rather fashionable these days, ha ha! (some might say i'm too old for these)

the frustrations of legitity

2012-01-05T22:33:00.000Z

I'm a convert, or rather I didn't have the means before. I had for a while now begun supporting legal music downloads and bought most of my music. I've even started converting my downloads to legit formats.

The only problem is, for many Asian songs - it's impossible to get a legal version! Some artist don't appear at all, and even those that do have only a few albums or not all songs are available. This make it extremely frustrating...

Why would they recklessly pursue lawsuits and not focus on making legal copies accessible? For example, up to date - no Raymond Lam available on all the major mp3 vendors; neither can I get "Ni He Wo" by Leehom.

I cannot fathom the logic that they would want to win any sort of piracy battle by making legal copies so inaccessible.

sigh.

the final legs of 2011

2011-12-31T16:40:00.003Z

spending my time erasing myself, divisible by my work-personal-academic self, and trying to finish my assignments so i can get pissed.

a marvellous execution for the final stanza of 2011?

write away in rambles

2011-12-27T22:57:00.003Z

there is a need to write, like an alchemist transmute writing into habit, and maybe flashes of brilliance would spark from its chemistry. matter, is it not but an attraction of atoms and confounding metaphysics?

i've somehow got this idea in my head it is better to die young and lived life like a bright flame rather than fizzle out like a candle; and it has been stuck in my head for a while now. doesn't necessary mean that i am planning on suicide or that i am prone of doing risky adventures, quite on the contrary i don't seem to take enough gamble - at least for a chinese!

but recently, got me wondering that is rather selfish of me. robert jordan once penned, death is lighter than a feather, duty heavier than a mountain. by death i am giving in to cowardice and all the responsibilities of living; leave behind the people that i care, and care for me (few that it is) to mourn and scar their existence with my absence, even if my presence is more annoyance than not.

life, seems more likely a series of scars and marathon, to me to outlive all who i care, to spare them an existence without me. but am i not selfish, in masochism then?

hyvää joulua

2011-12-26T01:32:00.000Z

H₀H₀H₀ (yes, null hypothesis ... idea from PhD Comics)

So, Merry Christmas dear readers; albeit a day late but better late than never?! Managed to burrow oneself at home the entire day today, which is not much of a feat given there's neither functioning transports nor open shops.

I've been picking up on Murakami again and rereading 'Kafka on the Shore'. If I should say, it is one of the more pleasurable Sundays I've had in a while, being left to peace to read, slack and generally be lazy the entire day. Still managed to cook (necessity of it aside) two good meals, though I wish I could've shared this tranquil little world with someone.

But anyway, well wishes and I'll leave you with this cool art I found on DeviantArt.

christmas is coming by ~Julian-Grei on deviantART

So, how was YOUR Christmas?

the turmeric honey chicken experiment

2011-12-21T00:08:00.000Z

i took half a day off work today (because it was bloody cold and I had to clear off my holidays) so had some free time on my hands to try out a new recipe. the inspiration came from whilst i was browsing chicken recipes on the rasa sayang cookbook to see if there's any recipes that my kitchen could handle (that is, it was too cold to leave the house and i had limited supply ... of stuff). unfortunately, i couldn't muster the armoury needed to match the kind of arsenal the website demanded; so improvisation was in order. the closest recipe i could find was the turmeric honey chicken wing, and decided to make my own version of it.

anyway, here was the result!

it was not too bad, i should say though i probably won't be dying to make it again in the near future (okay, maybe next week). oh, and i would provide the recipe and measurements but in pure malaysian style - everything is "agak agak", but list of ingredients below.

ingredients:

1. honey

2. turmeric

3. chili

4. curry powder

5. salt

6. black pepper

7. white pepper

8. kicap

9. the obligatory chicken
10. garlic

method:

1. mix them all up, marinate chicken for 2 hours.

2. oven it for 25 minutes or so in 190 celsius.

3. makan.

now disclaimer here, this is a improvised version so i suggest visiting the website for a better recipe!

till next time.

memories

2011-12-18T22:39:00.004Z

They burn, they sear. They haunt you like a long dead ghost, hidden behind dark corridors; to strike unexpected with daggers of Mercutious agony. Is there more to life than loss and longing?

Regrets, Sinatra may have had few, but of such few could rip one's world to shreds...

a giftful weekend.

2011-12-18T03:47:00.001Z

Hear, hear, I've got Santa-nins and Santa-chans showering me with gifts. I must have been a good person this year :P

Thank you miss Secret Santa :)

Thank you Sep-chan for your lovely gift ! Merry Christmas to you too!

So what's on the menu for Sunday? :D

a date with londinium

2011-12-14T00:29:00.000Z

I've managed several new feats today. I managed to go to Tate Britain (although I've worked 10 minutes walk away from it for three years now), I've managed to get on the London Eye, and convinced someone to read my recommended books!

Woohoo?!=)

Special thanks Miss Tay for spending a memorable day in London with me.

view of Parliament from the London Eye

Picture from the now slightly artsy Taka (bound to have some of the creative spirit rubbed on my for visiting Tate ... right, right?).

Brrr.....

2011-12-08T21:04:00.001Z

I suppose I should just be glad I'm not in Scotland but it's still bloody cold here compared to home! 5 days in and still not used to this icicle of an island yet!

is it of utmost annoyance

2011-11-15T23:31:00.000Z

when you have good developers, and very nice (and smart, academically) people who can't stop fucking up (the system). yes, i am ranting because it is bloody 11:28pm and i am left with fixing the system.

is it because i over estimated them, or simply i am a bad bad teacher?

... gosh!

and not-so-good developers i am trying to push responsibility to (so they can progress) who can't seem to take the initiative to solve problems and only pass the bucket back.

----rant over----

*still in need of shoulder to share the burden;*

throw new NotSaneException("this author is currently experiencing extreme stress because of avoidable defects");

Short! And! Sweet! November! Post!

2011-11-14T23:43:00.001Z

Short byword for November....

Too! Busy! And! Lazy! To! Write! Am! Going! Home! Soon! Yay!

Need! To! Stop! Yahoo! Like! Exclamations!

....okay stopped. but hey, look at this beauty...

She's a NP69 James Neligan and am loving it.

haven't got a name for her yet. Ideas?

tell me, teach me.

2011-10-08T22:48:00.005+01:00

tell me how to mend,

walk the straight and narrow,

path from you to happiness,

if not postponed for eternity.

2011-10-08T22:42:00.002+01:00

the empty lager staring,
bitter sweet anecdote mocking,
numbing precipitation of another,
heartbreaking evening with thoughts,
of how wonderful we'd had been.

version two point nine

2011-10-03T00:17:00.000+01:00

Here comes another year, anotherdate, and another insignificant speck of dust in the expanse plains of Gaia. Thereis no helping this shroud of melancholy and Jam Hsiao’s “新不了情” strummingthe rhythm of grey.

I’ve been running; too busy runningaway, from the clouded future; running fast and hard, till I bend breathless,to exhaustion, to outrun my reflective mind on the years past. But here is me,reflecting; on the better had days, uncertain tomorrow, and today – the day weall try to outrun, only to make history with our sweat, tears, regrets, sorrow –and love.

I skimmed back a year (one of the many advantages of having a blog), andrealised how much better this iteration have been. Life’s still in a rubbleafter that holocaust, I have a work that I care about, have now myown place (with many thanks and help from my endearing parents), and am doing my masters (where I alternate between 'this is the best decision ever' and 'OMFG what was I thinking?'). 2011 had gone rather well, and I’ve metnew friends; in this desert ofloneliness, they are an oasis. To you all my past, long, new, close, far, estranged friends; thank you for your wellwishes and I wish this coming iteration would be better. I think I am ready formy final iteration of version 2, not that I have a choice!

Taka - (now version 2.90)

p/s: so, what do you think about the new look?

autumn reflection

2011-09-19T22:30:00.001+01:00

Wow, it's already September and a few more days to Dr. S's birthday; how quickly time flies. Already the leaves wither, the weather rainy and chill, the prospects of sunny days gone a bliss. I do feel that I'm seemingly on auto pilot at the moment, striding, struggling forwards upon a path I shan't be sure I should be. Perhaps, this is my life story - "auto pilot to mine grave"?

I've finally managed to pick up Wuthering Heights from my collection of neglected books and read through it. Like all classics, they start tedious but make you an addict till its end. Upon reflection I wonder how alike we are; myself and Healthcliff. I suppose he is luckier; he had Catherine, heart and soul while I have only spite.

A good quote by Nelly "proud man breed sorrows for themselves". I must be the proudest of them all.

autumn

2011-08-30T22:48:00.001+01:00

This evening the sky shed tears

of brown and grey, wither longing

ballad of melancholy fall,

of this, that, everything let slip

grief casually into my soul.

All The Wrong Places (Original Song) - Tyler Ward and Justin Reid (Feat....

2011-08-11T23:51:00.000+01:00

came across this song, really simple and catchy.

drift

2011-08-07T23:55:00.000+01:00

drift, along river of stream without course,

in robotic motions and null desire,

fall into a bottomless nothingness,

yearning for bliss, searching for memory,

a dream forever lost to the currents.

is there method in madness; or just symphony of lunacy?

2011-07-25T00:25:00.000+01:00

Well, it's half past midnight and I wanted to write about this very strange sensation; I hadn't been actively writing for a while and I felt bad.

wait what, to whom? ...

Yea, you guessed it. I think I'm going mad, or un-mad since I am having less urge to talk to myself recently?

... I need medical help.

am thinking of buying a piano...

2011-07-21T22:34:00.002+01:00

well, a proper digital piano; but they're so expensive :(

How does one gets from China to Taiwan?

2011-07-12T21:46:00.002+01:00

View Larger Map

Step 48: Swim across the Pacific Ocean.

Bersih & the Government.

2011-07-11T23:06:00.003+01:00

This my friend, is the true face of the tyranny and the tenacity of a people who refuse to be cowed; bravo my fellow Malaysians.

the natural order

2011-07-03T20:52:00.001+01:00

It just dawned on me that I actually have quite a lot on my "to-do" list in a regular week and never had time to prioritize them (what, wasting time sitting around prioritizing stuff?! blasphemy!). So here I am wasting another half hour of my life writing a blog on time management (irony). So after a thoughtful ~~minute~~ session; I came up with the list below... ordered by priority.

Zombie to Work.
Mandi & Makan.
Sleep.
Reading.
Do my assignments.
Play guitar.
Wash clothes for Work.
Doing more extracurricular Work...
Cook.
Play Civilization V.
Waking Up.
Blog ...
Workout...
Learn Android.
Iron clothes for Work.
Clean house.
Piano (only because I don't own one here!)
Cure procrastination.
Get a Life.

Yea ... I'm glad I have my priorities ~~right~~ sorted.

Lepaking around YouTube

2011-06-08T23:57:00.002+01:00

so I've been lepaking around YouTube and wanted to share with you an impressive piece.

Bookish

2011-05-31T00:04:00.000+01:00

Hello reader,

How do you do? It's been a while so I figured I'd drop a short note on this book I'm reading. Picked it off Waterstones today and it is looking to be a very good read so far. Oh, title's Zoo City; you should really check it out.

I've been going through a book or two this week, finally had a week break from my modules plus it's a bank holiday weekend too! I must say, that Brandon Sanderson's "The Way of Kings" is turning up to be extremely interesting. I like the epic scope and ambition there, and hopefully he can live up to "Wheel of Time", "The Malazan Book of the Fallen" and "A Song of Fire and Ice". It's boring when all the good authors and reads are either dead (Robert Jordan), lazy (G.R.R. Martin) or finished (Steven Erikson).

That is not to say, there isn't any good science fiction out there like; my particular favourite at the moment is The Shadows of the Apt series. There's quite a few books out there with some potential, it's just hard to pick the right one out to read.

Anyway, I apologize for having you to read through all this crap so far. It's all a pile of uninteresting string of words in my effort to pen something to grind through this annoying writer's block; or perhaps you could lend me an inspiration's equivalent of a plunger, or at least show me where I could purchase one?

Taka.

life is a dream

2011-05-16T23:10:00.002+01:00

I long for a boat,

drift reality away,

to greet you my dream.

when I strum.

2011-05-15T22:31:00.002+01:00

fey wind sway gently across still water,

cup of tranquil tea lay by the window,

under serenade moon listening,

to melancholy of my lone guitar.

haiku a haiku

2011-05-14T00:40:00.000+01:00

he buried a flame

locked love in a chest of steel

watched it drift away

Argh :(

2011-05-09T20:16:00.000+01:00

my new shiny toy Samsung Galaxy S II died from processor overheating :( Baru one week , haishyo... Nokia still makes the best phone, too bad they went with the Devil which is Microsoft.

Spring, a new beginning.

2011-04-27T22:10:00.002+01:00

Hello blog,

It’s been almost a month now. Lots have happened since, many ups and a few downs came and went in wind and storm. Even as I now cherish the good that happened, as ever it has its price, else the balance of the universe will be eternally upset.

It’s almost moving time, I have now keys to my new nest; just spent a fortune to furnish my next phase in life and still walking this lonely path. No, it is fine – solitude is a both a curse and a gift; better to walk in cold void than on glass of broken hearts.

Funny, how one can feel in losing what one never had. Such is life, oh sorrow so bitter sweet lover that cometh knock at my door ever so often, and how passionate I embrace thee. How jest, time and fate, oh such inexorable fate plays us like characters in a twisted malign script.

Tomorrow I will be halfway through my first master’s module, first night I will perch overnight at my nest, and still ever so lost, and losing, losing... ; no, it is for the best.

我不配.

TKL.

need.for.time.

2011-03-30T00:34:00.000+01:00

WORK! STUDY! MORE WORK! MORE ASSIGNMENTS! Oh gosh, what did I get myself into?

[Randomness] What extension are YOU?

2011-03-20T21:18:00.000Z

Console.Write("Apparently, in true form I am *.* ... my entire team probably agrees.");

/* lame ... really lame, seriously get a life Taka */

Which File Extension are You?

ignorance is bliss

2011-02-19T16:02:00.000Z

did he wish he were told? probably not, but melancholy shrouded his mood nonetheless. strands of fate chaining his sanity to the world snapping loose, thus here but another snapped.

a rather random post

2011-02-13T21:48:00.008Z

There were cobwebs. Such is the state of my much neglected blog. I am unsure as to why I am neglecting my blog. Perhaps, like my previous theories that I am much less miserable but the probable truth may be that my mind is in a general state of hibernation. That’s a polite way of saying I’m being lazy, becoming stupid, and expose my brain cells to rust. Now, that is a dreadful proposition, much so that I forced away this rather interesting book I have beside me, pry open my trusty Microsoft word and start ~~babbling~~ typing.

Confused? Does my ~~insanity~~ intellect confound you? Worry not, you’re not alone in that oh anonymous reader, you probably don’t exist anyway so here is my two pence of care level. You will have to pay a monthly fee of £0.95 for business assurance though!

Oh, happy Chinese New Year everyone! Another year, actually half a decade of New Years in this miserable, grey and rainy country called England.

In conjunction with the New Year, Nokia decide to marry its arch-rival and the much oh hated Microsoft, and axe both Symbian and Meego! What utter disgrace really. R&D will be reduced to ash, and what dignity left of the once proud enterprise turned into ash with the ascension of this Elop dude. My trusty Nokia N95 would probably be the last ever Nokia I’ll ever own.

I am actually feeling quite lonely. If you noticed I jumped topic, yes try catching up with my sanity. It’s Valentine’s tomorrow and for the unfortunate singletons like me (yes it’s in the Gang of Four, no I don’t mean orgy!) it’s a pretty miserable day dedicated to reminding people like what losers we are (wow, three it’s in a statement, so very wrong!). But I am in mind probably to the more fortunate; Valentine would be a very expensive day for sex. Probably the world’s most successful marketing strategy, and contributing factor why there are so many October/November babies.

Yes, back to the subject of phones I am in mind to get that geeky Nexus S if only it’s not so ugly. It’s definitely not sleek, the UI is not impressive, but they it’s pure Google. How geekier can a phone get?! Much to my chagrin, the scrooge in me prevailed every single time I pass through Carphone Warehouse. Unfortunate.

Still reading? You’re as ~~insane~~ brilliant as I am! That’s it from me for now, Happy Valentine’s and use condoms.

Taka

Dilemma

2011-02-07T22:46:00.000Z

A geek without a presentable smart phone, oxymoron?

p/s: the new Nexus S looks really ugly but am really tempted, if only because it's Google!

he who found bleak.

2011-01-06T22:24:00.001Z

I've always realised I'm not a likeable person. My personality, beliefs, stubbornness, arrogance, only gave cause for hate. Much like a repellent, I have a natural talent of dispelling any affection or comfort others had toward me.

I hypnotise myself to believe that it’s all fine but it never is, is it? Truth is, it hurts; and because it hurts, like a child I chose to cut first; sever hope to avoid disappointment. Thus, I barricade my heart with blocks of arrogance, delusion, and insolence so hope that they will never be breached.

Wise men may advice it is time to change. Perhaps but I’m afraid it’s all too late for me; as a Chinese proverb goes, ‘Easier to change a Kingdom, than to move a character’. Nor do I have the empathy to act otherwise.

when I love you more and more

2011-01-06T01:04:00.005Z

absolutely love this song, thought I'd share it with you. Subtitles included in the video, and below. I hope you felt the tug as I had.

Han Sung-Min - When I Love You More And More

As I appear over the top of the hill you see meI don't need to speak,
you already know what's on my mind

Without ever knowing why we came to be together as if just by chance
I won't change my mind just as a rainbow doesn't stop until it reaches the heavens

If we are in love we shouldn't worry about our hearts becoming lonely or broken
I just believe that this is not the end

So lately I've woken up to the fact that love can't be denied
It seemed like you came to me by chance but I know that it was fate that brought us together

If we are in love we shouldn't be afraid of anything pulling us apart
I just believe that this is not the end

This is not the end...

2011-01-02T11:32:00.004Z

The quality of virtue is pronounced by its absence.

2010

2011-01-01T02:25:00.000Z

Disclaimer: I am semi-intoxicated whilst writing this piece. This was intentional as I found it rather difficult to be open and frank whilst complete sober and depressed. *The above statement about intoxication was actually only part true as I’ve not even consumed a bottle of Peroni*.

It has been an interesting year, though I doubt any of my years this past decade marked any sort of normality. The difference, I guess this year is there were much more to be thankful for and for once the theme is all depression and good riddance. I suppose this is sort of crescendo to a decade of nadirs. I’m single (not happily), have a job I wanted, promotion I hadn’t expected, and done a massive amount of travelling.

Regrets, like Sinatra once sang – I had indeed a few but this year’s were fewer indeed. I remembered the stress, the frustration at work, with the ever turbulent change of leadership. I remembered the nightmare travelling chaos of the ash clouds, and blizzards, that I am alone in a foreign world with no companion to shoulder. But they are like distant reflections, pictures through motion picture.

The year has been punctuated by lots of travelling. I’ve pretty much outdone an entire decade of travelling within a single year, covering Armenia, Portugal, Malaysia, Denmark and Sweden. Let’s not forget though the accompanying ash cloud and blizzard nightmare. I do intend to match this record (the good part only!) this year; especially after finding myself liking the idea of backpacking.

Another highlight of the year would definitely be reunions. I’ve met up with old classmates of mine from both primary and secondary school on separate occasions. I’m very thankful for them, though I doubt the same can be said vice versa.

Of course, to the promotion mentioned earlier – after a series of leadership merry-go-round. Also, to winning the Employee of the Month award and Wembley tickets.

I’ve also signed up for an MSc in Software Engineering with the University of Liverpool, so all in all; a good year, a good epilogue to 2010 and hopefully a start of a better year in 2011.

Happy New Year.

A lonely new year

2010-12-31T20:19:00.002Z

The one significant knowledge I gained from this final month of 2010, it is be how alone I have been all these years. It was a horrible morning waking up to the final sunrise of the year alone; the shroud of depression weighed in such strength that life seemed so detached, and devoid of meaning.

Desperation then, for company that I never knew needed until I have tasted its sweet nectar through the cold white Christmas of Scandinavia with acquaintance. For the joy of company – the stealing of warmth from smiles and laughter, though I am but an outsider looking in to a group I belong not had much kept the shadows of my desolation at bay.

Friends, lover, family; none within reach. It has been a very depressing finale to 2010; only fitting for one misery monger such as me.

I hope you have had a better final 2010. Happy new year.

chains

2010-12-29T01:12:00.003Z

I am amongst but do not belong...

2010-12-08T04:18:00.004Z

sedikit kecewa; ada kawan kononya yang bagaikanku sejenis sampar.

I'm leaving on a jet (not really) plane ...

2010-12-03T17:46:00.003Z

If I survive staying 10 hours out in snow.

A day in winter.

2010-11-27T20:14:00.000Z

The curtains drawn in shielding the day,

with only the laptop monitor illuminating

the four walled box. Refuge of warmth

beneath one's duvet, the floor too cold

to tempt, not unlike an ice witch's prison.

random ramblings. did actually go out today, braved the chill to hunt a book across half a dozen bookshops and three districts for that illusive book which I finally got. I'm officially a nerd.

stolen sunlight

2010-11-22T22:59:00.000Z

and he watched helpless from afar,

as the heartless one thrust upon her malady

of a wounding word, much

misery she so dainty deserved not.

is there any he, who is but mist

of a dream can do to balm this wound,

sooth her heart, and show her that sorrow

is but passing between dusk and dawn?

tide and time

2010-11-22T22:52:00.000Z

He grazed upon the desolate plain; that grew not luscious life but shards of broken dreams and crushed hope. Reflection is but revelation his gloom mongering soul; a vestige of emotion of what once was. But the past is gone, present is but poison; tomorrow becomes death.

a fortnight.

2010-11-21T20:58:00.001Z

Dad's coming home. =)

Choices.

2010-11-14T22:01:00.003Z

Recently, I've been contemplating about doing an online masters course with Liverpool University. I am not entirely sure why I want to do it, but it felt right. It's so expensive though, both time and money :(

... sigh, what to do, what to do.

great =/

2010-11-11T23:03:00.001Z

the price to pay, you know making the wrong innocent choices - like house mates really cost you... another £450 bill out of nowhere.

大海

2010-11-04T00:16:00.005Z

Somehow I came across this rendition of 'big ocean' by Chen Wei Lian. An exceptionally emotional song, like plucks pricking on mine heart. Least I share the tugging of my feelings; and if the sea can carry away my sorrow, just like it takes the stream of every river...

Lyrics:

从那遥远海边慢慢消失的你
本来模糊的脸竟然渐渐清晰
想要说些什麽又不知从何说起
只有把它放在心底

茫然走在海边看那潮来潮去
徒劳无功想把每朵浪花记清
想要说声爱你却被吹散在风里
猛然回头你在那里

如果大海能够唤回曾经的爱
就让我用一生等待
如果深情往事你已不再留恋
就让它随风飘远
如果大海能够带走我的哀愁
就像带走每条河流
所有受过的伤
所有流过的泪
我的爱
请全部带走

if anyone's interested, the original's here.

Where are you?

2010-10-21T23:16:00.001+01:00

My snow flake; hast the wind carried you to wander;
Are you lost to the storm - will you find a way home?

Wembley

2010-10-14T19:55:00.003+01:00

It's been a while since I've blogged. Too many distractions have come into my life recently; abundance of work, two new computer games, and my list of books to be read.

I won my company's Employee of the Month award two months before and as a reward, I've been given tickets to watch England play Montenegro at the Wembley stadium along with other fellow EOTM winners.

Behold, the glory of Stadia Wembley! Oh, I was terribly excited to be able to attend not my first Wembley game, nor England game but my first ever live football match! One of life's dream now fulfilled :D

And, of course predictably England were in their World Cup mode (i.e. they were pathetic to the point aunties would beat them). Who cares though, I got to see Steven Gerrard in person!! (albeit several seats and few hundred people in between).

The pitch did feel real tiny close up.

There were several things I did learn watching a football game. First of all, aside from the tiny pitch, is don't expect to watch the entire game if you want to get home. For all the wonder of Wembley, they have an extremely tiny tube station. The stadium wasn't even full, and there were 73,000 of us. Imagine, a tube can probably fit five hundred, a thousand people at one go? How many trips would it be to transport 73k?

By the 10 minutes to full time mark, we begun our exit; and with us a mass exodus of like-minded commuters. We barely managed to squeeze into the first batch of trains leaving.

And yes, always buy an oversized jersey do wear it over your coat! Or freeze. Yea, rookie mistake...

Anyway, that's all from me for now!

Taka out.

Final score: 0-0 Zzz....

Loneliness

2010-10-02T20:36:00.000+01:00

a slow killing poison seeping through one's veins; wearies the heart, crushes its will, and fortifies its misery.

a Libran week

2010-09-19T23:30:00.000+01:00

like a scale, all good news simply precede the Gatling of misfortunes ... still, all is delicately balanced. Well, unless there is a disturbance in the Force.

The eye of the storm.

2010-09-13T22:51:00.003+01:00

you're calm, because everything around you is falling apart.

An update of sorts

2010-09-07T00:57:00.002+01:00

There is much to say, yet there is none. The galore of data wanting to pour out to the keyboard fried the information chips of output resulting in nothing but rubbish being transmitted through the ocean cables to delivered to you, dear reader.

As to my lack of updates, work and play have been dominating my life recently. That, secondary to the lack of desire to contribute pollution (data of non-so-whatever-importance) to the web and a certain wariness that what is written may be abused by certain parties for ill intent.

I've been playing quite a lot of games Starcraft II lately, seems like the recently *hot* game on the market at the moment. I think, like many geeks out there we've been waiting an entire decade for the sequel. It will be a while before I get bored of it. There's also The Scarab Path (Shadows of the Apt) on my reading list, and the highly anticipated Civilization V waiting in line. They're all ultimately extremely important excesses in life I can do without.

Work, has been a grind recently; but as to why I cannot pinpoint why. A lack of chemistry, disagreement with the direction, the pressure and unreasonable expectations? Honestly, I cannot tell but I will find out next week if I *might be* staying or * definitely* leaving (the country). I'm trying to look at the positives in life; and really I can't see how staying will outweigh going home. Thus, I will let the wind adjust my sail and before long the sight of New World (or die to thirst).

That's about it from me for now, and ~~Hogwarts~~ work is waiting for me tomorrow.

Well well.

2010-09-02T22:59:00.000+01:00

I've managed to not blog for a month and a half, I guess you can call that an achievement itself. I've been really busy lately, and just plain exhausted. I'll do another short update soon, well maybe ;>

2010-07-18T22:22:00.004+01:00

Hi.

I'm lonely.

the statistics of dejection

2010-07-12T23:10:00.000+01:00

it makes a rather interesting coincidence that the amount of time i spend on this blog is proportional to the depths of depression i find now and again. suppose then, the declination of posts contribute, or a symptom of a less dejected me; or an illusion so finely crafted by the pace of life with endless toil, burrowed in work just so avoid matters of the heart?

or perhaps then, within all is nothing but the melancholy emptiness; lie an intoxicating bundle of misery desperate to be released from the depths of the abyss that is our heart. it pounds, screech, coax, taunts, tempts its way out whenever we decelerate, to the endless silence, void of hope, void of life. we plaster over our creaking defence with endless work, meaningless sex, phantasm of emotions we call love to deceive self that we would hold and the all consuming shadows be banished; perhaps just long enough till our hearts tire, our souls mire, our life recess for age and death to claim us.

Divimon - I choose you!

2010-07-11T18:43:00.002+01:00

It's the biggest stage at all, some say it's Spain versus Netherlands. Others say, it's Germany versus Singapore, or British versus Malaysian, or Octopus versus Parakeet; perhaps aquariums take on bird-cages?

The ultimate battle of them all: Paul takes on Mani for the ultimate 'Divination Cup Final' in what will leave every Chinese on the planet at the edge of their seat trembling in anticipation holding that small miserable piece of football betting paper fervently hoping for their chosen Divimon to come out victorious (no point denying the only thing Chinese love more than a football bet are 4D Magnum and Toto).

Now, I'm traditionally a huge supporter of La Furia Roja but Mani is Malaysian-born - which means I should naturally be supporting my fellow country-parakeet...right? Let's face it, patriotism is the last adjective one can associate with a Malaysian.

so go PAUL!!!! Show those parakeets what sea creatures are made of!

... or else I might just be having calamari for supper.

crossroads

2010-07-08T23:14:00.003+01:00

i am not entirely sure if i can commit five years to a same role with no promise of promotion, improvement in working condition nor salary. that's what it can be once one signs up for tier 2; one becomes very much tied to one's company. of course, there is the option to bugger off midway but that pretty much defeats the idea of staying put.

it has not been fun these days. a bit of an irony considering how long i have waited for this role, only to find myself outgrowing this position in less than a year. or maybe perhaps the role itself has shrunken. i find myself developing so much less these days, spending more time correct data, performing mundane tasks, documenting and babysitting and coaching certain colleagues. the learning stopped just about two or so months ago, and i find myself more of a teacher than a practitioner, which riles me to no end.

my patience with petty foolishness is running dangerously low on supply, constantly on the verge of tearing someone's head off; all symptoms that i am undoubtedly not very much happy in my new found position of 'junior mentor cum secretary cum janitor'.

perhaps, it is now time ...

To the world enough and time.

2010-06-13T11:20:00.001+01:00

There have been very few books from authors I've never heard of that have impressed me as much as 'The Shadow of the Wind' (Carlos Ruiz Zafron). Amongst these exclusive club are the likes of 'Empire of Black and Gold' (Tchaikovsky), 'The Savage Garden' (Mark Mills), 'Norwegian Wood' (Murakami), 'Acacia' (Durham), and now Audrey Niffenegger has fallen into this very exclusive club with 'The Time Traveler's Wife'.

It is mind blowing, unique, original, extremely creative and utterly romantic. A story about loss, love through time and ages, of metaphors, intelligent humour, and fate. This is a book of romance, in a backdrop of science fiction.

I would dread to spoil the suspense to such book for you, so I will refrain from any spoiler except 'go read it' and if you have a similar taste in books as I, you will love this piece.

furor

2010-06-12T22:55:00.001+01:00

These days there is a mountain tension locked within my chest, banging, screaming, demanding to be let out. I am in a constant flux between emptiness and anger. I snap at anyone within my range, regardless my colleagues or bosses and not too far away from being the most despised person in the office.

Political correctness has never been my forte. Living so many decades being looked down upon as inferior, I've always made a point to prove my worth by being exactly worth for my excellence, not my connections. I absolutely despise shoe polishers.

It is as if I want to get despised, hated, begging for confrontation and rip someone, anyone's head off; and now. When I am not raging, I am deep in depression, heart locked within this invisible vacuum between my lungs.

In quantum physics, emptiness is only at average empty. It does not mean that emptiness is at a constant state of nothingness but when matter simply clashes with anti-matter neutralizing each other out. Perhaps then, this vacuum within mine chest is the collision of sweet memories of love and the bitter solemnity to loss?

The Devil Whisperer

2010-06-06T22:39:00.001+01:00

It was not unlike reading one's own epithet. Never have any books read; brought as much sorrow, pain and the damning revelation one is but a mere hollow and broken soul. A book, of tragedy, strength, of love and separation but some could see only a bastard and his horny bitch.

Ah, all Vincent, none of his brilliance.

For all its brilliance prose and smooth verses, never have I read a book and hated it as much as 'The Horse Whisperer'. If there were a lighter here, I'd burn the bloody book.

dark

2010-06-01T00:23:00.001+01:00

I am lost, no path foward but through the fog,

silence, vocabularies abandoned,

sands beneath swallowing words I would

never say, sinking them back into darkness.

senescence

2010-05-24T21:09:00.002+01:00

Civilization IV.

I remember spending days and nights over this addictive game; going through every civilization and difficulty in hope to conquer the ever feeble and uncreative AI. Today, it took only five minutes before I was utterly bored.

You just hit an age you know your youth is gone, things and addictions of the past seemed so benign; and you wonder how you ever put up half your life with such silly activities.

Growing up, not ever can be Peter Pan; not even me.

MAYlodica

2010-05-23T20:19:00.000+01:00

I have really been lacklustre on updating my blog recently. I am quite convinced if my blog is sentient, she will probably divorce me by now. Oh wait, then again I have the advance of experience on that count (not that it is something to be proud of). Before you dear reader continue reading, I must warn you that very little of this entry will make sense and I have nothing meaningful tale to tell. You have been warned so read on at your peril.

Subject of this week is “me, me. What’s up?” Well, it has been a very eventful week at the office really. I started the week Monday knowing my boss was going to resign. He parted ways the day after. A colleague with a broken heart, and a huge 3 and half projects, 2 weekly builds released with relatively little issues, a new temporary supervisor with a semi panicking department. Another colleague just decided to leave and change career to become a professional backpacker. More drama? Please.

We’ve got a new employee handbook to sign and some hinted warning that an extremely unfair and entirely one-sided “restrictive convenant” is coming our way which I am already quite resolute to resign than sign. In the words of Mussolini “Vincere o morrire!”.

On a happier note, I finally got my Studio 1749 model (17”) from Dell on Tuesday! It’s quite a cool machine, the sound’s quite decent, huge screen but I am rather frustrated with the keyboard layout. Not your usual keyboard layout, this will take a while for me to find all my keys. It’s a minor problem really since I am quite accustomed to using different keyboards; I have never used two laptops with the same layout.

Meanwhile, the sun finally decided to show up, in proper Malaysian fashion (only a whole month late but hey). Thus, I’ll spending most weekends away from the computer, out in the sun with a cup of coffee and a book; until rain decides to join the party.

So, see you Sun lovers and hater alike – until my next entry. Adieu

To the edge of the continent

2010-05-09T02:04:00.004+01:00

Portugal was great, motion passed, anonymous majority, no hung parliament. It represented the furthermost west I have been. Great seas, great beach, great Mediterranean Sun, just great - which made coming back to reality UK so miserable I had a post-Portugal depression.

True to the spirit of parasitism, I took the opportunity that a few fellow Portuguese colleagues were on a trip back home to pop a cheap flight over and say 'Oi'. So with all hope for some sun and beach, me and 'Kucing' took off from Hethrow to the fabled Lisbon. The early signs were not optimistic as we were greeted by light drizzles, as if London refused to be left behind; smuggled into sunny Lisbon along with our luggage. It was not be though, as it soon became apparent that it was the last of the rain for the remainder of our voyage.

Our colleague's home is actually south of Lisbon in a town called Palmela. It was a nice suburb. Okay that was an understatement; I was open mouthed at the space, size and elegance of his home. Forbearing mention of the huge house, with each room the size of my entire flat and more; the 6 room villa, 3 living rooms, multiple bathrooms fit for a Lord, it comes with a small farm (with assortments of lemon, orange, cabbage, lettuce, spinach, other plants, chickens, and rabbits), a friendly dog called Sparta, a garage, summer house, a large garden, pavilion and a pool! I won't complain if all we did the rest of holiday is just hanging around the mansion. What else could one ask for?

Of course there were more. After the enormous barbecued lunch which brought a whole new meaning of local food (literally all ingredients were sourced within 100 meters from table), and awesome hospitality from the Fernandezs, we were introduced the dreaded aguardente (firewater). Forget the 50% alcohol that'd hold almost hold its own against abstient; this one packs a different sort of punch. If there's only two certainties in life, it is that after a shot of aguardente, you will feel your insides burning; and you can eat another cow (assuming you'll already had one to be on the right mindset to contemplate an aguardente).

So with our stomach filled with a local flavoured barbecue and emptied by aguardente we waltzed to the gentle beaches of Setubal and grazed on soft comforting sands, seductive breeze and hypnotic beat of the ocean. Looking back, Portugal was a great place to live in. Live seemed so positive, with its pink roof and bright coloured houses - school children simply laze out at undisturbed, clean beaches with abundance of fresh air; office workers sneak out for a short nap by the sea with a pint of 'Super Bock' at lunch; and ended the evening by strolling thought the beautiful streets of Lisbon.

That was only day one.

Sunlight came greeting us with enthusiasm the next morning, much to our delight. We started the day with a proper go-carting (which I sucked) session, on 65 - 75 km cars and OMG every turn it felt like there was so much under-steer I might crash into something. I never realised how much effort it took to control the car for an entire race until waking the morning after with every muscle aching.

By noon we hit the beach again. Different location this time, over ferry to another place of which I sadly forgot the name but its beauty will forever stay with me. One could walk for miles along the beach, and at some point all trace of humanity will vanish; only you, your mates, the blinding Sun and the roaring ocean. A collision of dream and reality. I had a proper tan that day, got back almost all my complexion lost during my half decade in England. No longer a ghost, almost a Malaysian.

Lisbon is a great city, I'd love to tell more about it but really the main attraction is has been beautiful beaches and warm Sun. Three days in Portugal felt like a long nights sweet dream, and I woke up, found myself in Hethrow stuck in the silly checkpoint for an hour and half trying to get into the Sunless border of United Kingdom. Tell me, what am I doing here again? Sigh...

how was Portugal?

2010-05-05T23:55:00.014+01:00

oh ah about that....

erhmm actually.....

Why not ask my buddy Nosy here?

p/s: need I actually say more?

Of Armenia and cloud ashes.

2010-04-25T21:27:00.004+01:00

Perhaps simply because there was so much to tell, the story became difficult to weave. In such, I sashayed idleness, flirted procrastination and exhausted excuses; till to thus realised only resolve, padded with meaningless words could I ever tell the story of this little adventure to the near east.

Yerevan was the name, Armenia its home - the first Kingdom to accept Christianity as its state religion. Armenia is an unique country in such it is surrounded by eternal enemies. A sole small Christian nation (approx 3 million, about a tenth of its smallest 'rival' neighbour) surrounded almost 2,000 years by Islamic nations; Armenia is both unique and intriguing. How could a small nation survived in the midst of extremism? Turkey to its west who had but a century ago performed genocide on Armenia where 2 million perished, Iran to the south, and Azerbaijan to its west where war broke out but several decades ago and borders closed. Only to its north, Georgia proved to be a more complaint neighbour, but Georgia has problems of its own.

It was not until Thursday, that I knew I was flying to Armenia on a business trip; which to be entirely honest was an exhilarating prospect. I had never been on a business trip nor to Armenia, and never met our offshore team there either and it was a too seductive bait.

And I have no regrets on my decision to jump on the opportunity offered. It was a great experience, the guys we work with were extremely hospitable, and Caucasian food are awesome to say the least. I've never had a better kebab in my life!

That, amongst other food, which you can probably glimpse in my album. A small pity was that we never managed to take the fabled Mount Ararat (if you don't know what this is, you're not reading your bible enough) as we brought London with us for the first two, then the heat of summer made it too foggy for a clear picture for days to follow. Oh, the weather was great the days to follow of course, between what I suspect is 25-27 Celsius. I think I tanned a bit (and gained tonnes of weight) there.

(view from Garni)

It was a short and sweet 4 day trip, until of course 2 hours before we're supposed to fly - the ashes came and shut down all the airports in UK. So, instead we went back to work. Thinking we'd fly the next day (as it was confirmed by BMI) we partied (note: lots of alcohol) a bit too hard and went back to the hotel at around twenty to six only to find out several hours later instead of sleeping on the plane we're going to work for the next eight hours. Oh the horror!

Speaking of alcohol, they don't pray pray in Armenia - we were drinking beer like water... I'd love to say its cheaper than water, but water is free in Armenia - fresh mineral water from the river mountains. Yeap! Another brownie point for Armenia, except when it comes to roads and taxi drivers.

(the gang @ Tro's Pub)

Road laws in Armenia, is like the Savannah. Green crossing does not mean you won't get overrun by a car, or they'll stop - it just means you have a chance to survive crossing the road. I wish I had the pictures to show you but the road crossing sign in Armenia is literally two people running. The road conditions made kampung roads in Malaysia a brilliant alternative; no less a mountainous region - I'd leave that to your imagination.

(we ordered all of these by ourselves! hidung tinggi)

Only about one in ten Armenians speak English and neither me nor my colleague spoke Armenian or Russian, which made it very funny when we made such a huge fuss trying to get some bread; and when we did manage to get it we never touched it. Yeap, we managed to order food all by ourselves (and spent an hour and half finding a place to eat) where the waiter does not understand us, not us, them!

(no we're very excited, I rebuke all accusations that we look bored)

What was supposed to be a four day (or three, depends on how we count it) turned into a ten (or nine...). The pilot capped this very well, "we' apologise for the delay... after 6 days...". With that, I drew first blood on summer trips! More picture below.

ARMENIA IN PICTURES

Ahh...

Next stop: Portugal.

SHORT UPDATE!

2010-04-21T06:39:00.000+01:00

I might be flying home today! (yay) , or I should probably start applying for Armenian citizenship soon...

Over the hills and far away

2010-04-12T03:40:00.000+01:00

over the mountains and (black) sea,
in Yerevan he'll be.

To the end of civilization, and beyond.

2010-04-10T21:10:00.000+01:00

or so according to my Polish supervisor, who believes that all civilization ends at the east of Poland; or perhaps before so (so thus of the Logos, coincidentally Malaysia lies to the east of Poland). But of course, who but men that determined what of east and west? If the world is spherical, then why is one north but not south, east but not west, or even thus west but not north?

I'll be flying to Armenia tomorrow evening on a business trip; albeit a pretty much last minute notice (like really, 2 days). I'm not exactly convinced that it will reap much benefit for the business as for me; it's a whole new experience and a new country!

First time on business trip? Check!

First time to Armenia? Check!

It'll be exciting to say the least. Oh, that is if they approve my visa at the airport on Monday. We're flying in blind since it was too late to apply visa from the Embassy and our counterpart in Armenia are quite confident we could get our visa there.

So yea, so we go!

the wall

2010-04-04T23:50:00.000+01:00

a stack a time. as if a rising tide from the indomitable ocean, raised brick by brick, of bundled glue, strings and shredded trees, imprisoned his very heart and soul; drowned in weaved words as if magic, and conjured life, entranced by an illusion of nothing more than ink on paper.

funeral in procession

2010-03-21T21:36:00.000Z

after three sweet years, my laptop is dying on me *sob*. The processor is forever running on 100% , even when nothing is running. The fan has already stopped working, and the external pairs aren't keeping it cool enough. I wouldn't normally hesitate; but i'm utterly broke for the entire year and there's no way i could afford any decent laptops.

sigh*

single coloured rainbow

2010-03-15T23:52:00.002Z

you are no more, a vestige hanging in the corners
of my consciousness. the scent of joy was nothing
but illusion never existed, a conjuration for oasis
in storms of desperation. the smile you hung on
your face, a perfect portrait upon flawless wall;
like scabbard concealed the ugliness of your soul.

Cheap Pine

2010-03-13T18:50:00.005Z

It was not until much later during the day that I realised the irony of the title and my predicament. It had not occurred to when I was drinking my favourite four espresso shots ice vanilla latte, on a sunny (to much subjectivity in British terms) Saturday afternoon in my local Starbucks that my colleagues in all the tiresome complexities of office politics, and guy-girl hormones; would perhaps assume, and most definitely make fine gossip of obsession or crush over a Norwegian girl who had just joined the team earlier this week.

It would perhaps, be pathetic and immature to even remotely suggest that any regular decent gentleman (or ruffian) would not be objectively attracted to our new colleague. She, is in fact one of the more attractive people I've had the pleasure to know in my miserable life. I did, perhaps was overly nice to her; but it is part of my nature to all new colleagues. I suppose they would assume I were gay if our new colleague were a guy? My first impression of her was, astonishingly; fear. I am afraid my incompetency in word-smiting cannot adequately describe the emotional stress that bombarded me that day, warning signals flaring in my mind with 'stay away', and 'run'; only to be saved on the grateful knowledge she is engaged. It was a confirmation that I have indeed become caligynephobic.

If there were any women involved in the purchase of Haruki Murakami's Norwegian Wood, it would be from Ireland; not of obsession or crush, but of high opinion on taste. I was not disappointed, and the book was indeed a page turner and it took me a considerable deal of will and with a tiny extra push of my realization of the irony of the title; of one or perhaps four too many of in this sentence.

I would perhaps on a later date write a review when I finish the book, and to which this book will be annoying to carry about in all the unholy opinions that would consult the minds of my colleagues when I carry it in the morning Monday, or should I saw Måndag.

So I lit the fire a fire, isn't it good, Norwegian Wood?

To Nine.

2010-03-11T22:19:00.001Z

It is three minutes to nine. Soon the pendulum will strike true west, and mark another hour washed into the abyss of lost time condemned to eternal waste. Still I sit here active in inaction; pondering over my seventeen inch prison bars taunting me with meaningless pixilation of lights.

Three minutes past nine. Six wasted minutes over three pointless sentences. Inspiration still hid behind the inexorable walls of Hadrian. The light of words-smiting lost behind barbarity of procrastination.

Six minutes past nine. I wonder about the curious day past. Predicate, Delegate; I am drowning in my own world of algorithmic hypnotism.

Tab, Tab, Enter, Type, Tab, Enter, Type, Tab, F5, Tab, Tab, Tab, Crash; eighteen minutes past nine and I am writing absolute nonsense.

2010-03-09T23:07:00.003Z

sanubari dimimpi tanpa haluan,
udah mengenang derita di hati,
riwayat rintis kehilang tujuan,
merintik irama yang sudah mati.

The rose

2010-03-08T22:07:00.000Z

beautiful beyond words and expression, but all I see is thorns.

Perhaps

2010-03-06T18:01:00.003Z

Spring might just be around the corner.

and lost again

2010-02-22T22:13:00.002Z

"why do pride forever stop us taking words back,
why do we still chain ourselves to begone past?"

life is a sinking boat.

2010-02-19T23:34:00.049Z

that nothing one does is right. gunning into a fight, one is a bull headed fool. avoid a fight, one is a coward. once sides have been picked, enemies are marked. if third parties start jumping in and giving biased opinions, there is no more room for mercy. but was it better to sidestep an argument that could will only get everyone's blood boiling; or was it better to fight fire with fire?

i have never claimed that i am a good person. i've always warned anyone, everyone that i am a bad person - which is the truth, black as charcoal, dark as the shadow of the dark side of the moon; you are disappointed because of the illusion because you believe there is a redeemable quality in this shell called me, but for every good, the taint of saidin reeks corruption to my weaves.

call me childish, a fool, coward; but once you pick a side, then you are my enemy. it makes complete sense, the world is simple; it becomes black and white. i am a simple minded fool. spots of grey should be cast to dark corners like refuse never to see light, and to be given to natural death.

break

2010-02-18T22:55:00.001Z

how many times must my heart break,
before it becomes but specks of dust,
and many a times should it be stabbed,
till pain can no longer be felt,
the countless falls i must take,
to shed hope, turn these memories,
forgone of love in times past castaway
into rage, and ire, and hate, become
a storm burning, unrelenting in fury,
like the heart of a midnight sun?

why

2010-02-18T21:41:00.002Z

why, is it not enough to turn your back on me,

...that you feel obliged to desecrate our past too?

The Song of Dionysius

2010-02-10T01:16:00.002Z

can thou hear? the soft whisper cracks,
invisible fault lines pulsing,
the gentle tremble of mine core,
willing to smash into atoms,
to painful memories of careless
spoken words and heartless thoughts.

How could one so completely,
dictate mine emotions as if
mine soul is nought but notations
to melody of ecstasy to anguish
in but few clef tied in harmony,
to the tunes of mine epitaph,
and dressed for dust and ashes?

Distant scars , some . will never heal. An unfinished tune, is but best sung in sorrow.

Me

2010-02-04T20:32:00.002Z

as defined by Urban Dictionary. I think it's quite accurate.

1.	Daniel
	This is a difficult name to define because it defies many boundaries of human perception, let alone various languages. One of the closest translations that experts give is God or many other variations of that general idea. Other definitions are thought to be: Tao Chi The Great Spirit Chuck Norris Energy Infinity Sublime ect Despite the fact that various names have been pinned to Daniel, its seems that all of the above examples (including that of God)cannot even withstand the magnitude of Daniel. The reason this name continues to elude even the brightest of human minds is that the idea of Daniel cannot possibly exist in a dimensional state. Daniel is so powerful, it defies all laws of this or any other universe. Recent studies have shown that people who have attempted to comprehend this name have either disappeared, died spontaneously, or driven themselves into a pertinent state of insanity and/or catatonia. One common belief is that Daniel is possibly the grounds on which everything and nothing is based. It seems to surpass the idea of infinity. Quantum physicists report that this Daniel is Everything and Nothing. It or He is said to have unexplainable connections with the String and Superstring Theories as Daniel resonates within every single layer of the multi-dimensional complex and yet still exists beyond that point which is where scientists have lost the trail. Various theologists and spiritual leaders believe that Daniel is one who is, as they say, "The Answer". All attempts to understand this idea of Daniel have failed. Daniel. Nothing else can describe him.

Another short note.

2010-02-02T00:16:00.007Z

TMC 3: Sucess!

yay! :D It's not an impossible challenge but hey, I managed it! I didn't manage a flawless wholesome meal yet, but it is a huge step forwards. Hopefully I can keep this up, and reduce the amount of calories intake as well!

Speaking of which; I have been very lazy recently and haven't managed any quality compositions for this blog lately. Just a few moments ago, this composition itself was a shambolic three liner. It's not much longer or better now, but sometimes the only way through a writer's block is a with a ten foot virtual driller and a massive amount of junk weaved together into sentences.

Like some Oriental wise man (me that is) once said "Resolutions are best sliced to small bits to ease digestion", I am going to take my resolutions in small steps and one at a time. It has been one of my goals to tour Europe for a while (along the billion of other things like saving money [right]...). I have been quite impressed with what I saw in pictures from Sep & Co's trip and would love to see the place for myself. Of course, I'll be going in spring instead of summer. Quite silly really but hey. I won't have amazing cameras but the best images are memories ingrained, and fellow guild mates as well. If I go shoe string this month, I might just make enough to achieve my two goals of saving money and a Greece trip.

It would be an honour to visit the legendary Acropolis where and stand where Socrates, Plato, Aristotle, and the Apostle Paul - great men who spoke a few words and their whispers altered the course of history to shape the world as we know it today. Never a place where so many fundamental philosophies that we live by today were given life; the thought of Reason, the proof of Science, the Faith of Christ.

Oh, and I made it to work today despite what it's called a 'National Sick Day' in England. There's also an upcoming Chinese New Year on Valentine's Day and lucky me; I don't have to hand out 'Ang Pau' this year nor a girlfriend to wash away money on! There's always a silver lining, despite the miserable Eclipse.

Oh, and Graffiti on Lunacy - you'll be pleased to know that I haven't progressed at all (okay, maybe not so pleased) but there's less than a handful of readers anyway so couldn't care less!

=D

In Storm and Fire,
Takaloy.

An account of the month to have been.

2010-01-31T00:32:00.005Z

or rather an account to a supposedly happier beginning of both a new decade and fresh start is rapidly turning into a prologue to another decade of nightmare.

the honeymoon months at work were finally over with expectations beginning to hit unrealistic levels; much compounded by a very stressed and moody boss. tasks that are meagre and unsatisfactory were pushed unto me, pressured to treat every of such with urgency; only to find on my return from a three day break that no one had bothered to do what was required in my absence. is such my worth to the company to that only i am sufficiently inferior to perform them?

the love to have lost, only to be reminded of the joys of the light that had been taken away; living in permanent contradiction and constant war with self. and perhaps, simple matter of confidence or self-denial. Maybe it is easier to accept that i am of such abhorrence; that my light is in such desperation to be rid of me.

and the curse of a successful parent, is the logic defying acts of throwing hundreds away for her grand child's silly birthday party; which in the very same sentence expressed wishes to condemn her son to live in the slums, citing the ridiculous wasteful nature of her son; which of course only luxury is of books and a studio flat of neighbours who do not carry guns. might be that my worth is that it is much better that i were to be cold and dead than alive? perhaps.

of much lesser extent, the recurring injuries, the old debts, of those who were indebted but had no intention to repay, of the very same which i am thus obligated to carry for them.

and thus, the month of the heart of winter, tammikuu, came to an end.

TMC for the New Year.

2010-01-26T03:02:00.000Z

Resolutions are best sliced into small bits to ease digestion. Speaking of which, I haven't been eating well since ... the millennium. Well first it was bulimic, then it was simply pure laziness and as I diagnosed for Sep; laziness is a terminal cancer. (But, but it's too easy take-away plus it's hard to cook for one!)

To kick off the New Year, I'll try and attempt some (let's say at least one) consumption of vegetable/fruit a day. I've started off yesterday (Monday) with 2 apples and let's see how it goes!

Not an impossible feat, but somewhere in some dark alley a wise man once mentioned a subtle connection about New Year Resolutions and always failing.

If only every Monday were today.

2010-01-26T00:51:00.000Z

Or well technically 38 minutes ago as I write this. As a result of a workaholic syndrome and lack of funds, I never managed to use up all my holidays last year and had till - now to take them all up or lose them forever to the Great Waste. Despite the illusion I *had* a choice not to take them; I can imagine at least a billion people over the world be at my neck if I ever attempted that great waste. And thus, here I am - on a working day, feeling exceptionally odd because I was in a sardine packed train at 8:00 am (have I actually grown addicted to cramping on train?, can routine make addiction out of discomfort ... a disconcerting probability).

And you'd ask, where am I getting at? Is that first paragraph a prelude to another battering of narcissism, or perhaps some self-pity nonsense?

Nowhere. Simply having a writers block and extremely bored.

Happy working everyone while I get bored at home! ha! ha!

Lots of love.

Knock.

2010-01-22T00:20:00.002Z

Knock.

Knock.

Locked hearts.

Could only watch from a far; because I don't belong...

...and the commercial

2010-01-13T23:09:00.001Z

Oh Dear Middle-Earth, public transport exists in Malaysia - it's not a myth.

A short note.

2010-01-13T22:33:00.002Z

Sometimes I think the source of evil in this world today is Islam (and religion). Look around us - the terror, the inhumanity in countries like Afghanistan, Pakistan; and the insanity and extremism enacted from it.

Sure they are a tool, but so is a gun; and there is good reason why we ban guns here in United Kingdom and Malaysia. Surely, if it is a tool for such a dark side of humanity it should be eradicated; at all cost? A common excuse is the oppression of the West towards Islam, but look at Malaysia.

They cry foul over a simple word 'Allah', and do not respect the law at all. An Islamic Government that seeks to enforce its will on the Law; how can its people expect justice and equality? Masquerading under the illusion of 1 Malaysia, this is a country not run by Democracy, but by Mob law. Look at the burning of Churches, the arson, the 'Oh we oppose all forms of violence but it is proof that the Malays are sensitive' (you meant: you're an immature brat that never grows up and throw tantrums every time something doesn't go your way - and expect grownups to accommodate your juvenile self). Oh, isn’t Allah, an Arabic word used for God of Abraham before Islam?

That is my mortal calling, mortal urge, silliness and petty little rage that made the world an uglier place.

With that said; what profit is there to be gained from the use of ‘Allah’? Nothing, if only to earn the enmity of your fellow juvenile countrymen (or should I say boys) and petty squabbles for... What exactly?

What happened to I am who I am? God does not need a name, yet we kill, burn, Sin for something he does not want or care. You – me - we try to can Him in a small box so our petty minds can comprehend.

Maybe it’s time to go back to the Bible, to the Quran, to learn tolerance, forgiveness and the true word?

I may be contradictory but I am but mortal, it is my nature to err, to hate, and in God’s Divinity I have also learned to forgive – and I am complex. I am angry, yet sad, yet understanding and not together; for which I am made human because of God’s divine love and for the Love of God – think, not of your or my pride; not of your or my people but of God, our God.

Curse me, hate me, forgive me, couldn’t care less about me – I don’t care. As my namesake, “God is my judge, and he alone shall be.”

I Read.

2010-01-12T23:18:00.001Z

A lot, so much it becomes the very source of my inertia. Every time I summoned sufficient Mana to open a word processor, The Book managed to burn them and consumed my attention.

So, therefore, after two sentences and half the sense; I'm back to reading and will be scribbling something once I find where I misplaced my Mana Pot.

- Now I am become Procrastination, the destroyer of productivity.

2010! Happy New Year!

2010-01-11T00:07:00.000Z

It's the new year, and it took me ten days past the decade to twice this. I'd throw some grand excuse about 'this was all planned out', or 'I needed to recollect myself' but the sad truth was I lacked inspiration on what is match the grandeur of the turning of the decade (how many "the"s were there in that last sentence omg).

There's so much to do for the new decade, like sitting down - dream of electric sheep and closing up the Noughties with a summary and slap it with a massive "Expired" tag. Then, about new year resolutions, new decade resolutions, there so much to do!

That's all from me for now, and I'll leave you with a sneak peak of an upcoming release of 'Graffiti of Lunacy'. Happy new Decade!!

An angel dropped a bag of cotton, blanketed the eternal city of Lira; a lullaby whispering her children into hypnotic hibernation. The descending flakes withered with utmost grace to their earthly graves as Sera performed her best impersonation of a statue and exerted her intelligent mind to the ever important task of day dreaming.

Takaloy.

The anathema of sleep.

2009-12-29T01:49:00.003Z

I don't even know where to begin, how I came about it. It seems to be ever the case going as far back as I could have remembered. If I could pin a period; I would probably point it to Form three - about the same period my transition; ironically about the same time I developed a billion other issues. It crept upon me like the setting sun, a shadow in the night, an stealthy assassin seeping poison into my mortal shell; a poison so undetectable it was too late when I came to conscience.

It begun when the clock struck fifteen, that I slept less, as it was to wake as early as five. The pendulum moved three, demands of society commanded my sleep be versatile; and thus my sleep pattern was to be ... there was no pattern, I slept when I could or would. Somewhere along the swings of the pendulum, I could no longer sleep for more than six hours before waking up at least once. Then, no more than four.

The clock swung a day past twenty four and to the core of two. During my voyage between Oxford and London; I slept three in bed and one on bus. Now, sleep is but a fantasy, the mirage upon a still lake, mire of a reflection that exist not in my world. They come in battalions to trance me into illusion of rest where I gain none, and asked nought; grasp my wake with a powerful hand upon my throat - choking all my strength and focus dry till there is none but a barren desert.

A study once conducted came to a conclusion that you need less sleep as your grew older; but surely they did not mean from the age of fifteen?!

Riddle

2009-12-28T00:02:00.000Z

It is a curious fact; maybe I'm thinking of someone at the moment - but Who and to what end?